Caregiving Two Very Special People in My World - My Parents

"A Tribute to Two Very Special People in My Life"

In 2004 I the made the decision to embark on a project that changed my life. My father was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in May that year. After the shock of hearing this news, my life has never been the same. The man who could walk faster than me in any store suddenly spent the rest of his life between hospitals and rehabs facilities. I became my father's significant caregiver and my mother was his primary. All three of us were traveling through virgin territory. We were not only dealing with our personal anger, confusion, depression, and frustration, we were also going through all the procedures with doctors, hospitals, rehab facilities, and billing departments. At times, we became overwhelmed with everything we needed to process.

Because of all the issues we were experiencing, I decided to create a caregiver manual. I wrote a few pages of the Prologue and brought them to my parents for their input. I also wanted permission because I planned to use examples out of their lives. After I read a few pages, my dad responded immediately. "Of course, honey. That would be great!" At first my mother hesitated but once I started she became a strong advocate. Through the inspiration and guidance of my parents Michael and Josephine Salamone, I created a practical, easy-to-follow manual - Designated Caregiver - Resource Manual For The Caregiver "On Call 24/7".

As a result of my research and personal connection with Christine Goldberg, the facilitator from Adult Wellbeing, I emphasized to my readers the importance of becoming involved with caregiver support groups. They are instrumental in helping caregivers maintain emotional balance in additional to gaining a wealth of knowledge from the facilitator and members. With our Canton group, when someone discusses a situation, people offer suggestions and encouragement. This group has thrived because they care and work as a team.

My father passed in June 2005 and within six months my mother fell and fractured her left femur. She needed emergency surgery. Then in September 2006, she required another surgery for the same leg followed by two more surgeries in 2011. Since 2006, my mother has been in the hospital and rehabs approximately eight or nine times. Within six months of my father's passing, I became my mother's caregiver. My parents cared for me growing up; and it has been an honor to give back just a small amount of what they did for me.

As a caregiver, my biggest challenge has been to help maintain my parent's emotional wellbeing and keep them laughing. The ability to laugh is a gift from God that helps look at life in a positive, much brighter perspective. I grew up in a home filled with laughter but living with the unknown regarding my parent's medical conditions definitely test my strength. If I Dad was down, I would think of ways to cheer him up. Mom and I spent many 'ten hour days' at the hospital with my father. By that time all of us were exhausted so I would tell Dad, "Okay Mickey, I've been on OT for a couple of hours." He would say, "Well honey, you  better go the nurse's desk and fill out an over time form." Then we would both laugh.

I was extremely close to my father and do not know if I will ever fully get over his passing. Fortunately, I have many happy memories.

Not only has my mother had to cope with the complications from her medical conditions, she also misses my father--he was her life partner for 60 years. Some days she feels down because she looks at his picture and remembers their life together. I will think of one of Dad's humorous antidotes or something Mom and Dad did together to get her laughing. I started calling my parents Jo and Mickey when I was in my 20's and then it got to point I called them Mickey and Jo more than Mom and Dad. I can usually get a smile from them with "Hey Jo, (or Mickey) what's going on?" When I jump around along with my greeting, adds additional effect. Saying "Hi Mom (or Dad) how are you?" just not the same.

Last week I greeted my Mom but she was sad that day. It took me about three hours to get her out of her depression. I told her a few funny stories, turned on the Ellen show, and recruited a couple of the aides who I know brighten up my mother's life. We all got my mom laughing and joking around. I was able to breathe easier because she was in good spirits when I left.

According to Douglas Smith, American's leading hospice expert, young children laugh 400 times each day while adults barely manage 15 chuckles! Laughter is strong medicine for the mind and body, and good for a person's health. And it also has been a wonderful way for me to care for my parents. However, laughter is only one of the many ways I have cared for them. They have all contributed to my parent's well being.

PEOPLE WHO LAUGH, HELP BRING

JOY AND WELL BEING TO THE WORLD !!!

 

This tribute is in the present tense even though my father has passed. However, he will always live in the present for me.