Caregivers, Throughout the Holidays, Take Time for Yourself

The holidays can be particularly challenging for caregivers especially when there are additional demands placed on an already stressed life. So advice to caregiver - simplify. Even if you are tempted to have a big, traditional dinner, keep it simple. Caregiving takes energy. So allow others to pitch in with meals while you and your loved one are the guests.

-  If your loved one is not able to travel, ask family members to visit him for limited time periods and bring dinner to both of your. If you feel like you are being overly bold with this request, think about how exhausted you would be with a house full for a traditional dinner. This way your loved one is able to see relatives but does not over strain himself and you do not exhaust yourself having the family stay for dinner. Most family will be very gracious and understanding.  

-  If a couple family members visit over the holidays and bring a meal, that would most likely bring joy to your loved one's life because he is seeing his relations. You can enjoy the company of a couple guests along with a dinner. Makes for a pleasant day.

-  Keep relations alive. Take time to have lunch a couple times a month with a friend or two. Pick a favorite restaurant where you can laugh, cry, and have memorable talks. A couple of my friends and I meet at a local restaurant where as soon as I walk in, I have my coffee on the table. We spend a couple hours eating, laughing, and talking all in warm, welcoming surroundings. 

- Find time several days a week to exercise. Exercise helps your body become physically stronger, improves overall health, and promotes self-confidence. I like to alternate between my Zumba video and going to the gym. My body, mind, and spirit, appreciates both of them.

- If you are involved in a relationship, preserve the romance. Cherish your connection so that both of you keep the spark flourishing. My husband and I like to get dressed up and go out dancing. We  have our special dinner or breakfasts out together. And we like to snuggle.      

-  Talk about your concerns. Tell others how you feel about being a caregiver and your apprehensions regarding your loved one. I'm involved in a caregiver group. Good place to talk about concerns because I am talking to other caregivers who understand.

-  If you decide to change your holiday tradition this year, let your loved one know. He may be upset because he wants the holiday the way its has always been, but explain the reason for the adjustment. You need to take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty and think you need to reconsider your plan. No matter which decision you plan to pursue, stay with the option that is most beneficial for you.

-  Once the Holiday preparations are made, whenever possible include your loved one in activities. Then he will have a sense of the decision making process for the arrangements you are making.

-  For anyone who has a loved one in a care facility, your traditions change completely. Nothing will ever be the same. If possible, decorate your loved one's room with holiday decorations. If he likes music, bring in a CD player. If the care facility is including families to join them with their holiday dinner, contact relatives. Perhaps members will want dinner with you and your loved one. Some are free and others charge a nominal fee.

-  Take special time for yourself each day even if it is only twenty minutes. Read something that interests you. Take a bubble bath. Rent a video or watch a TV show. Spend some time on the computer. Listen to a song from one of your CD's. Spend quiet time. Take a quick nap. I like to read a quick story from Guidepost Magazine.

-  If you are a caregiver to your spouse, some of the same suggestions apply depending on the severity of his condition. If he is able to travel on a limited basis, keep to only one visit per day. Since you care for him, you know his stamina. Do not allow him to push the limits because it is a holiday. While everyone else goes on with their lives, both of you will regret that decision the next day. It is better for him to handle a short visit every couple days, than one long visit. Then he may be too exhausted to leave the house for several days.  

-  Remember who you are. Even though you are the primary caregiver, remember your personal goals. Think about what you want that is special. Caregiving for your loved one is the most rewarding gift you will ever receive. But do not give up your own individual aspirations. I enjoy writing. It belong me. I am a member of MetroDetroitCreativeWriters (MDCW). We started the group about eight years ago. When you do something you enjoy, you can be an even better caregiver.  

-  Happy Holidays!