Happiness can be the feeling of spiritual contentment that will carry you through the triumphs and heartaches of life with calm stability, serenity and peace of mind. In some cases, happiness affects our attitudes. However, we all have things happen throughout our lives but we have the power to make our own response to those situations. Happiness is a potential positive decision.
According to Douglas Smith, America's leading hospice expert and Director of Kanawha Hospice in Charleston, West Virginia, young children laugh 400 times a day while adults barely pour out 15 chuckles! What an unfortunate contrast. Most often our loved one would prefer a smile and upbeat attitude when we are with them to a negative depostition. Smiles are contagious. Even if your loved one is not responsive to them, keep smiling. You never know when she will finally respond. We may not think they appreciate what we are doing for them because they are not able to communicate. But if they could they would tell how they feel and that they love a cheerful face.
Bring humor into your conversations with your loved one. Think about something funny that might have happen. Our loved ones also enjoy talking about their past. Ask them about fun experiences from their lives. You can also bring up humorous incidences when you were growing up. As long as your loved one is able to talk, get her actively involved in the conversation.
My mother delights in telling others about the many funny experiences at our cottage. Those years were the happiest ones of her life, and when she talks about that time she beams. She enjoys talking about our one cousin who always managed to get himself into mischief. Then she observes as her company joins in her laughter. She will tell me she does not mind being alone but as soon as we have a guest in her home, she is filled with a special glow and shares in lively conversation.
Laughter relaxes the whole body and relieves physical tension. It triggers the release of endorphins, the bodies feel good chemical - great medicine for both you and your loved one.
Laughter is strong medicine for the mind and body, and good for a person's health.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Life is Ever Changing for Caregivers and Loved Ones
Consistency is important for seniors. Despite our efforts to keep the lives of our loved one's stable, life is ever changing and sometimes beyound our control.
Within one week we had three caregivers for my mother. The changes were confusing and a bit upsetting for her. It took a couple of weeks to finalize the caregivers, and we are now working together to establish a routine and become comfortable with each other. We have Jamila on Monday and Wednesday and LaKisha on Friday.
We hired our first caregiver, Susanna, from Senior Helpers in Ann Arbor, a home health care agency, in May 2010. Susanna and my mother bonded very quickly. She did the assigned duties but then would take on other assignments around the condo without being told. Unfortunately, she became ill and needed to resign from her position with my mother and Senior Helpers in August 2011. The agency searched for staff that had personality traits and a work ethic similar to Susanna. She was in college for nursing, and we told her she would one day make a wonderful nurse because of her caring nature.
After Susanna quit, a staff member from the company called me to discuss other caregivers. She told me management was concerned about my mother. She explained they were not able to find one person for the whole week but could find two people if that was agreeable with my mother and me. After my mother and I discussed this option, we decided to try give it a a try.
Even though we needed an adjustment period, my mother and I are very peased with Jamila and LaKisha. Both women have their own unique sparkling personalities. Jamila has a calmness about her that helps my mother relax while LaKisha manages to lift my mother's spirits. But both women know how to get my mother laughing. Without realizing it, Jamila and I have become a comedy act with my mother and she never knows what the two of us will do. It works because we put a smile on her face. If my mother is a little down, LaKisha will look at my mother and say, "My Josephine, I don't like it when you're sad. Now you don't want me to be sad." Then LaKisha pours out her infectious laugh that gets both my mother and me to laugh.
Fridays is our "fun day out". LaKisha, and I take Mom to the hair salon and then Mom treats us to lunch. Even if my mother is exhausted when she returns home, she is happy after her afternoon outings. LaKisha and I try to make those days as enjoyable as possible for her.
Both Jamila and LaKisha have a very serious side with my mother and are extremely protective of her. If they even notice a slight change in her medical condition, they will let me know. When my mother becomes anxious, they are incredible in the manner they calm her. My mother has adopted both women and call them her granddaughters. Senior Helpers diligently searched for an appropriate match for my mother. They did not find an appropriate match - they found outstanding matches with Jamila and LaKisha!
When Senior Helpers recommended both Jamila and LaKisha, I trusted their judgment. After about 1 1/2 years working with this agency, I have developed a special relationship with them. When Susanna quit, my mother and I knew they were considering my mother's best interest before selecting new caregivers. They would not send us one person if they were not a suitable match. Instead, they split the week between two caregivers who they believed were the best candidates. And they found us two wonderful young ladies.
When you hire a home health care agency, employees alternate. Some quit the position, others need to change shifts, and some caregiver-client personalities are not compatible. Maintain a close relationship with management and other staff so when personnel change you can work together to find a compatible caregiver. You want a team that searches out their caregivers and matches them with their clients. When you first hire a caregiver, contact agency staff weekly for the first month regarding their progress and request periodic spot checks. After a couple months, ask for a caregiver conference. If your loved one is physically, mentally, and emotionally able to handle a meeting, include him. Continue contact with the company on a monthly basis unless a need arises sooner and conferences every six months if you and your loved one decide it is necessary. You can always request a conference whenever you feel it would be befencial.
Most agencies welcome participation and caregivers who take a committed role in the lives of their loved ones. Work as a team to make the situation a positive, rewarding one for everyone, but especially for your loved one.
Within one week we had three caregivers for my mother. The changes were confusing and a bit upsetting for her. It took a couple of weeks to finalize the caregivers, and we are now working together to establish a routine and become comfortable with each other. We have Jamila on Monday and Wednesday and LaKisha on Friday.
We hired our first caregiver, Susanna, from Senior Helpers in Ann Arbor, a home health care agency, in May 2010. Susanna and my mother bonded very quickly. She did the assigned duties but then would take on other assignments around the condo without being told. Unfortunately, she became ill and needed to resign from her position with my mother and Senior Helpers in August 2011. The agency searched for staff that had personality traits and a work ethic similar to Susanna. She was in college for nursing, and we told her she would one day make a wonderful nurse because of her caring nature.
After Susanna quit, a staff member from the company called me to discuss other caregivers. She told me management was concerned about my mother. She explained they were not able to find one person for the whole week but could find two people if that was agreeable with my mother and me. After my mother and I discussed this option, we decided to try give it a a try.
Even though we needed an adjustment period, my mother and I are very peased with Jamila and LaKisha. Both women have their own unique sparkling personalities. Jamila has a calmness about her that helps my mother relax while LaKisha manages to lift my mother's spirits. But both women know how to get my mother laughing. Without realizing it, Jamila and I have become a comedy act with my mother and she never knows what the two of us will do. It works because we put a smile on her face. If my mother is a little down, LaKisha will look at my mother and say, "My Josephine, I don't like it when you're sad. Now you don't want me to be sad." Then LaKisha pours out her infectious laugh that gets both my mother and me to laugh.
Fridays is our "fun day out". LaKisha, and I take Mom to the hair salon and then Mom treats us to lunch. Even if my mother is exhausted when she returns home, she is happy after her afternoon outings. LaKisha and I try to make those days as enjoyable as possible for her.
Both Jamila and LaKisha have a very serious side with my mother and are extremely protective of her. If they even notice a slight change in her medical condition, they will let me know. When my mother becomes anxious, they are incredible in the manner they calm her. My mother has adopted both women and call them her granddaughters. Senior Helpers diligently searched for an appropriate match for my mother. They did not find an appropriate match - they found outstanding matches with Jamila and LaKisha!
When Senior Helpers recommended both Jamila and LaKisha, I trusted their judgment. After about 1 1/2 years working with this agency, I have developed a special relationship with them. When Susanna quit, my mother and I knew they were considering my mother's best interest before selecting new caregivers. They would not send us one person if they were not a suitable match. Instead, they split the week between two caregivers who they believed were the best candidates. And they found us two wonderful young ladies.
When you hire a home health care agency, employees alternate. Some quit the position, others need to change shifts, and some caregiver-client personalities are not compatible. Maintain a close relationship with management and other staff so when personnel change you can work together to find a compatible caregiver. You want a team that searches out their caregivers and matches them with their clients. When you first hire a caregiver, contact agency staff weekly for the first month regarding their progress and request periodic spot checks. After a couple months, ask for a caregiver conference. If your loved one is physically, mentally, and emotionally able to handle a meeting, include him. Continue contact with the company on a monthly basis unless a need arises sooner and conferences every six months if you and your loved one decide it is necessary. You can always request a conference whenever you feel it would be befencial.
Most agencies welcome participation and caregivers who take a committed role in the lives of their loved ones. Work as a team to make the situation a positive, rewarding one for everyone, but especially for your loved one.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Find Special Places to Take Your Loved One
Whenever my husband, Jack, and I take my mother to an appointment as soon as she gets in the car she wants to know where we going to eat.
I like to joke with my mother so sometimes I will respond with something like, "Gee Mom, are you sure you want to go out?" Within a matter of seconds, she will say something like "I want to go out. I don't want to go home yet and look at those four walls."
Jeannie, my mother's caregiver-companion, takes Mom to the hairstylist each week. Once they are done, they go to lunch. Jeannie has also realized the importance of making sure my mother has a full day outing.
What activities give your loved one pleasure? If you do not know, have a conversation finding places they enjoy going. The following are just a few ideas:
- Visiting friends and family
- Attending worship services
- Going to the local community theaters
- Attending concerts and symphonies
- Going to movies from their era
- Going to humorous or human interest movies
- Setting lunch or dinner dates
- Browing the grocery store or shopping mall
- Attending sports events
All of us have busy schedules. But we should think about the joy we bring our loved ones when we do something exclusively for them. Many live alone and at times feel isolated. As my mother described her feelings of loneliness - "I don't want to go home and look at the four walls." They may have visitors, yet are not able to leave unless someone takes them. There was a time they were independent but are now dependent on others.
Think of some ideas and then ask your parent for input. Since my mother enjoys going out to eat, Jack, Jeannie, and I take Mom to restaurants. In addition to her appointment days, we select other times throughout the month for her special outing.
What will the special place be for you and your loved one?
-
I like to joke with my mother so sometimes I will respond with something like, "Gee Mom, are you sure you want to go out?" Within a matter of seconds, she will say something like "I want to go out. I don't want to go home yet and look at those four walls."
Jeannie, my mother's caregiver-companion, takes Mom to the hairstylist each week. Once they are done, they go to lunch. Jeannie has also realized the importance of making sure my mother has a full day outing.
What activities give your loved one pleasure? If you do not know, have a conversation finding places they enjoy going. The following are just a few ideas:
- Visiting friends and family
- Attending worship services
- Going to the local community theaters
- Attending concerts and symphonies
- Going to movies from their era
- Going to humorous or human interest movies
- Setting lunch or dinner dates
- Browing the grocery store or shopping mall
- Attending sports events
All of us have busy schedules. But we should think about the joy we bring our loved ones when we do something exclusively for them. Many live alone and at times feel isolated. As my mother described her feelings of loneliness - "I don't want to go home and look at the four walls." They may have visitors, yet are not able to leave unless someone takes them. There was a time they were independent but are now dependent on others.
Think of some ideas and then ask your parent for input. Since my mother enjoys going out to eat, Jack, Jeannie, and I take Mom to restaurants. In addition to her appointment days, we select other times throughout the month for her special outing.
What will the special place be for you and your loved one?
-
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Caregiver's Personal Emergency Response System (PERS)
Some caregivers prefer having their parents spend their senior years in their own home. They feel it is more emotionally satisfying than other plans such as senior housing, independent or assisted living. Aside from being less expensive, it sometimes brings families closer together. Your loved one can also go to the same church, doctor, and neighborhood activities. Since they live on their own and we are not always able to be with them, we want reassurance they are able to reach help if it is ever needed. PERS helps in that area.
PERS has three components: a small radio transmitter that can be carried on a belt, in a pocket, around the neck, or as a wrist band; a console connecting to the user's telephone; and an emergency response center than monitors calls. When an emegency is needed - such as medical, fire, or police - the PERS user presses a tranmitter help button, sending a signal to the console (connected to the user's telephone). This causes the console to dial one or more pre-selected emergency numbers. When the center is contacted, the caller is identified, allowing the center to determine the nature of the emergency and notify the appropriate emergency professionals and/or family/caregiver.
Most consoles are sensitive and in the average size home is able to communicate with the user. When the center hears the user, then the professional team is dispatched immediately to the home. If the user is outside, the PERS have a range between 200-400 feet. Dispatchers are not be able to speak with users and again they send help to the home. In apartments and condos, the range varies. Prior to installing the PERS, test out all range areas.
In order for the emergency medical professionals to enter the users residence, a lock box is often needed. The company has the combination and gives this information to the emergency professionals at the time of dispatch.
If the electricity goes out, most PERS have battery back-ups for the unit for several hours. When the power is restored, the battery re-charges. Check with the company regarding how long the battery last if this happens.
If the user lives in a rural area, it is best to use the sevices that work from a manufactured-based, national center company, enabling service anywhere. The only requirement is telephone availability in that location.
With PERS, a user can receive daily reminders regarding medication and appointments. Some have accomdations for users, with disabilities such as hearing and visual impariments and mobility challenges.
Prices for PERS vary with companies. Shop around for competitive pricing, a good service contract without long-term obligation or penalty for cancellation, a user-friendly instruction manual and competent dispatch team. To find a PERS in your area, check out area hospitals, caregiver support groups, home health care agencies, Local Administration on Aging, independent living facilities, and online.
We can't do everything to keep our loved one's safe. But with PERS, it helps knowing with a push of a button they will receive emergency care.
Some information for this article was obtained from - Caregiver.com PERS Frequently Asked Questions www.caregiver.com/channels/tech/articles
PERS has three components: a small radio transmitter that can be carried on a belt, in a pocket, around the neck, or as a wrist band; a console connecting to the user's telephone; and an emergency response center than monitors calls. When an emegency is needed - such as medical, fire, or police - the PERS user presses a tranmitter help button, sending a signal to the console (connected to the user's telephone). This causes the console to dial one or more pre-selected emergency numbers. When the center is contacted, the caller is identified, allowing the center to determine the nature of the emergency and notify the appropriate emergency professionals and/or family/caregiver.
Most consoles are sensitive and in the average size home is able to communicate with the user. When the center hears the user, then the professional team is dispatched immediately to the home. If the user is outside, the PERS have a range between 200-400 feet. Dispatchers are not be able to speak with users and again they send help to the home. In apartments and condos, the range varies. Prior to installing the PERS, test out all range areas.
In order for the emergency medical professionals to enter the users residence, a lock box is often needed. The company has the combination and gives this information to the emergency professionals at the time of dispatch.
If the electricity goes out, most PERS have battery back-ups for the unit for several hours. When the power is restored, the battery re-charges. Check with the company regarding how long the battery last if this happens.
If the user lives in a rural area, it is best to use the sevices that work from a manufactured-based, national center company, enabling service anywhere. The only requirement is telephone availability in that location.
With PERS, a user can receive daily reminders regarding medication and appointments. Some have accomdations for users, with disabilities such as hearing and visual impariments and mobility challenges.
Prices for PERS vary with companies. Shop around for competitive pricing, a good service contract without long-term obligation or penalty for cancellation, a user-friendly instruction manual and competent dispatch team. To find a PERS in your area, check out area hospitals, caregiver support groups, home health care agencies, Local Administration on Aging, independent living facilities, and online.
We can't do everything to keep our loved one's safe. But with PERS, it helps knowing with a push of a button they will receive emergency care.
Some information for this article was obtained from - Caregiver.com PERS Frequently Asked Questions www.caregiver.com/channels/tech/articles
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Caregiver's Facebook - When Friends and Relatives Write Commitments and Comments
When your loved one is sick or in the hospital, facebook is a wonderful method to spread the news to friends and relatives. Then it is interesting to view the different responses you receive.
- "Just call me if you need anything."
If a friend wants to help, be specific. "I'm going shopping. Give me a grocery list." "Mom would enjoy a visitor to read to her. Would you be available on a bi-weekly basis?"
- "You are doing a great job! You know God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle."
Thank you for the compliment. Please do not tell me God doesn't give me anymore than I can handle because right now I do not feel that way. My mother is very weak and ill. There are days I wonder if I am doing everything for her. I would appreciate one evening of respite time each week.
- "I just don't know how you do it all - taking care of your mother, and your family. Must have a great husband."
In order to care for my mother, it takes a joint effort by my entire family. We all work together and support each other. I hope I am setting an example for my children how to care and respect people when they are not able to care for themselves. And yes, I do have a wonderful husband.
- "I know how you feel."
How could you possibly know how I feel? That reminds me when a person tells a friend who is grieving the loss of their loved one the same phrase. I don't always know how I feel because it may change from moment-to-moment and day-to-day depending on the circumstances. Say to me, "Just talk. I'm here to listen."
- "Must be hard to care for your mom and keep your job. Hope your employer understands."
At times it is exhausting. I go the my mother's house 3 days a week for several hours and the same on the weekend. I usually take off a couple days a month for mom's appointments. My supervisor is very compassionate. She has a mother with needs but she shares the care with her sister. I love my mother and caring for her is an honor. It's my way of thanking her for the many things she has done for me. You are considerate to be concerned. It would be great if you would help with making a couple meals each week.
When people respond with these or similar types of messages, they are most likely concerned. Respond in kind and think of ways they can help you. And then thank them for thinking about you and your loved one.
- "Just call me if you need anything."
If a friend wants to help, be specific. "I'm going shopping. Give me a grocery list." "Mom would enjoy a visitor to read to her. Would you be available on a bi-weekly basis?"
- "You are doing a great job! You know God doesn't give you anymore than you can handle."
Thank you for the compliment. Please do not tell me God doesn't give me anymore than I can handle because right now I do not feel that way. My mother is very weak and ill. There are days I wonder if I am doing everything for her. I would appreciate one evening of respite time each week.
- "I just don't know how you do it all - taking care of your mother, and your family. Must have a great husband."
In order to care for my mother, it takes a joint effort by my entire family. We all work together and support each other. I hope I am setting an example for my children how to care and respect people when they are not able to care for themselves. And yes, I do have a wonderful husband.
- "I know how you feel."
How could you possibly know how I feel? That reminds me when a person tells a friend who is grieving the loss of their loved one the same phrase. I don't always know how I feel because it may change from moment-to-moment and day-to-day depending on the circumstances. Say to me, "Just talk. I'm here to listen."
- "Must be hard to care for your mom and keep your job. Hope your employer understands."
At times it is exhausting. I go the my mother's house 3 days a week for several hours and the same on the weekend. I usually take off a couple days a month for mom's appointments. My supervisor is very compassionate. She has a mother with needs but she shares the care with her sister. I love my mother and caring for her is an honor. It's my way of thanking her for the many things she has done for me. You are considerate to be concerned. It would be great if you would help with making a couple meals each week.
When people respond with these or similar types of messages, they are most likely concerned. Respond in kind and think of ways they can help you. And then thank them for thinking about you and your loved one.
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