Thursday, November 22, 2012

Caregivers, Throughout the Holidays, Take Time for Yourself


The holidays can be particularly challenging for caregivers especially when there are additional demands placed on an already stressed life. So advice to caregiver - simplify. Even if you are tempted to have a big, traditional dinner, keep it simple. Caregiving takes energy. So allow others to pitch in with meals while you and your loved one are the guests.

-  If your loved one is not able to travel, ask family members to visit him for limited time periods and bring dinner to both of your. If you feel like you are being overly bold with this request, think about how exhausted you would be with a house full for a traditional dinner. This way your loved one is able to see relatives but does not over strain himself and you do not exhaust yourself having the family stay for dinner. Most family will be very gracious and understanding.  

-  If a couple family members visit over the holidays and bring a meal, that would most likely bring joy to your loved one's life because he is seeing his relations. You can enjoy the company of a couple guests along with a dinner. Makes for a pleasant day.

-  Keep relations alive. Take time to have lunch a couple times a month with a friend or two. Pick a favorite restaurant where you can laugh, cry, and have memorable talks. A couple of my friends and I meet at a local restaurant where as soon as I walk in, I have my coffee on the table. We spend a couple hours eating, laughing, and talking all in warm, welcoming surroundings. 

- Find time several days a week to exercise. Exercise helps your body become physically stronger, improves overall health, and promotes self-confidence. I like to alternate between my Zumba video and going to the gym. My body, mind, and spirit, appreciates both of them.

- If you are involved in a relationship, preserve the romance. Cherish your connection so that both of you keep the spark flourishing. My husband and I like to get dressed up and go out dancing. We  have our special dinner or breakfasts out together. And we like to snuggle.      

-  Talk about your concerns. Tell others how you feel about being a caregiver and your apprehensions regarding your loved one. I'm involved in a caregiver group. Good place to talk about concerns because I am talking to other caregivers who understand.

-  If you decide to change your holiday tradition this year, let your loved one know. He may be upset because he wants the holiday the way its has always been, but explain the reason for the adjustment. You need to take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty and think you need to reconsider your plan. No matter which decision you plan to pursue, stay with the option that is most beneficial for you.

-  Once the Holiday preparations are made, whenever possible include your loved one in activities. Then he will have a sense of the decision making process for the arrangements you are making.

-  For anyone who has a loved one in a care facility, your traditions change completely. Nothing will ever be the same. If possible, decorate your loved one's room with holiday decorations. If he likes music, bring in a CD player. If the care facility is including families to join them with their holiday dinner, contact relatives. Perhaps members will want dinner with you and your loved one. Some are free and others charge a nominal fee.

-  Take special time for yourself each day even if it is only twenty minutes. Read something that interests you. Take a bubble bath. Rent a video or watch a TV show. Spend some time on the computer. Listen to a song from one of your CD's. Spend quiet time. Take a quick nap. I like to read a quick story from Guidepost Magazine.

-  If you are a caregiver to your spouse, some of the same suggestions apply depending on the severity of his condition. If he is able to travel on a limited basis, keep to only one visit per day. Since you care for him, you know his stamina. Do not allow him to push the limits because it is a holiday. While everyone else goes on with their lives, both of you will regret that decision the next day. It is better for him to handle a short visit every couple days, than one long visit. Then he may be too exhausted to leave the house for several days.  

-  Remember who you are. Even though you are the primary caregiver, remember your personal goals. Think about what you want that is special. Caregiving for your loved one is the most rewarding gift you will ever receive. But do not give up your own individual aspirations. I enjoy writing. It belong me. I am a member of MetroDetroitCreativeWriters (MDCW). We started the group about eight years ago. When you do something you enjoy, you can be an even better caregiver.  

Happy Holidays!   

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Has Your Loved One Passed on Traits to Your Family's Following Generations?



When my father entered a room, people naturally gravitated toward him. He had an incredible smile and warmth about him that welcomed people. He also had a great sense of humor and knew how to bring a smile to someone's face when they were down. He was such a positive person, people enjoyed his energy. If he found a person needed help, he was there to offer his assistance.


My father was devoted to the people he loved -- especially my mother and his family. My parents were married almost 61 years before he passed in 2006. She was the top priority in his life. He was the best father in the world to me. He emphasized the importance of hope, faith, belief in God, sense of family, desire for my education, love and caring for others. Dad and I had many special talks. At family gatherings, we would find a place to talk. We had a standard joke. I would tell him, "Women talk 50,000 words a day and men 25,000," Then I ask him "Daddy, have you talked your 25,000 words yet today?" He would always answer, "No, not yet." Then we would laugh.

Children flocked to my father. He reminded me of the Piped Piper. When we were at a family party, he could calm a crying baby. If a child was sad, Dad knew how to cheer him up. One evening my little cousin sat on the couch crying. My dad sat next to her with his arm around her. Within a short time, they hugged, and she was ready to play.

My father's name was Michael Salamone, and one of his nicknames was Sal. When I was in grade school, the teacher asked me Dad's name. I told her "Sal". As if she did not believe me, she responded, "Your father's name is 'Sal Salamone'?" When I went home, I asked my mother for clarification on my dad's name.

My niece, Alex, started playing basketball in elementary school and now plays for her college. She began within a short time after her brother, Ryan, passed when he was 23. My husband and I go to a couple of her games each season. One of her games I became extremely excited when I saw her T-shirt. In bold letters - SALAMONE! Aside from being thrilled about seeing Alex play, I received the best gift of the night. When she was called on the floor to play, some of her friends yelled out, "GO FOR IT SAL!" I cried. Her other nickname is Al Sal.

Aside from her nicknames - Sal and Al Sal, I thought of other ways Alex is similar in nature to my father. She is definitely a people person. She has the same kind of gentleness my father had. When someone needs help or wants to talk, she is filled with compassion. She reaches out to her friends when they need her. Slhe coaches basketball for youth; babysits, and spends times with her nieces and nephews. After a game, I watched a couple students from the grade school hugging and jumping on her. She is so responsive and lets children know they are exceptional.

Alex is my "Sunshine" because she brings radiance into my life. She sends me texts to tell me she loves me. She likes it when I visit her and loves it when my husband and I go to her games. My dad was the same way. He brought cheerfulness into my life. We had a cottage and he greeted me in the morning with "Morning Glory". He started using this phrase when I was a child.

Alex is spiritual, has hope for her future, and loves her family and the people in her life. She values her education and wants to obtain a meaningful career. She has a great sense of humor. I seek Alex out for wonderful conversations just like I did with my father and sometimes ask for her advice.

God passed on to my precious baby girl, Sal, characteristics my daddy, Sal, possessed. Alex, what incredible gifts you inherited from Pa Pa (Sal). And thanks to God through Alex, part of my father continues to live.

Have your children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren inherited traits from your loved ones?