In January 2013 Valerie Harper was told she had terminal metastatic lung cancer. She remembers being terrified thinking she would not be here to see her daughter get married. But then she was able to focus on the practical matters - getting her affairs in order with her husband, Tony Cacciotti of 26 years. Her husband shied away from discussing the topic. His parents were born in Italy and he saw far too many people die, including his own brother, displayed in caskets in their living room. Because of those experiences, he doesn't go to funerals.
After some coaxing, Cacciotti agreed to see a lawyer to draft wills and health care directives. At that time, Valerie told her husband she wanted to be cremated - something he was not prepared to hear because he always thought they would be buried next to each other. According to Valerie, "The body is just a rooming house." He never considered cremation for his wife. Cacciotti explained his reluctance, "I wanted to be buried next to her." Over their marriage they did not discuss "what will we do when this happens?"
Thankfully they had the opportunity to make plans, but Valerie and Tony waited until Valerie was diagnosed with cancer to make their plans. They didn't know what the other wanted because throughout their 26 year marriage, they didn't discuss the topic. Valerie didn't tell Tony she wanted to be cremated - pretty serious to be left until a person has such a serious medical condition. But she thought like many of us, she had a lifetime ahead of her. Her husband needed time to adjust to a plan that was so different than he had envisioned. He always thought Valerie would be buried next to him.
In regards to Valerie's attitude toward life, she feels people should 'live moment to moment to moment.' 'You should live in the joy of life, not worrying about the future.' She doesn't think about dying. 'I think about being here now.' Valerie has defied the odds. Doctors gave her three to six months and it is already November. Valerie looks at it this way - every day she is optimistic that she can have one more holiday, maybe two or three! "Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Valerie!"
Have you considered long term care insurance? You may want to discuss it with your customer service rep at your bank or financial advisor. With this protection, most alternative housing and care is partially covered. Since costs and reputation vary significantly, investigate completely before deciding on a company. Research the companies you are interested in doing business. Some will not accept a person with a pre-existing condition such as heart disease or a combination of another medical condition like - seizure disorder, lupus, or obesity. If they do accept you, they may charge a very steep premium. Not all companies and policies are created equally.
Have you examined your life? If the doctor told you tomorrow you had two months to live, would you have everything taken care of for yourself and your family? Would you wait for a crisis situation? Decisions should be made when you can make them with a clear mind and rationally. If you are married or have a partner, and both intend to set up a plan, discuss and write down all the things you want to discuss prior to the meeting so there are no misunderstandings later or in the lawyer's office.
Consider searching out an Elder Law Attorney within your area to set up your plan -
The following should be included with your Estate Planning -
General Durable Power of Attorney
Durable Power for Health
Living Will
Last Will and Testament
To find an Elder Law Attorney check out:- Find a Elder Law Lawyer - National Elder Law Attorneys - www.naela.org. Before you make your appointment, make sure you find out the general cost for his services. Consider calling a couple to compare services and costs. Once you meet with your lawyer, make sure you are comfortable with him. After he completes your Estate Planning, be satisfied with the plan. In general, review your Estate Planning every couple years in case there are any changes or revisions. A follow-up appointment with your lawyer is advisable so he can review your planning for any possible changes and/or updates.
Estate Planning is something some may not want to face because we think it means the end of life. Look at it as protecting our loved ones and making life easier for them when we pass on. Often times, we do Estate Planning for the people in our lives who we care about. For example Tom may have a cottage he purchased prior to his marriage and he never put his wife, Kelly Ann's name on the Deed. If Tom doesn't have a will, or quit claim deed, Kelly Ann may not inherit the cottage if he has a sudden heart attack and dies. Even though the two were married for 19 years, the cottage could end up going to Tom's estranged, son Barry who he has not seen in 8 years. This situation could be avoided if Tom set up Estate Planning.
If you do not have the funds to cover the cost for an Elder Law Attorney and decide you want to do your own planning, you can purchase forms on the Internet - Power of Attorney, Durable Power of Attorney for Health, Living Willing, Last Will and Testament.
Embrace life with passion. But while you are doing it, think about your planning. What do you have in place when the time comes if you become ill and when you pass away?
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| Valerie Harper |
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| Valerie Harper Tony Cacciotti |
October/November 2013 AARP Magazine
A Fearless, Funny Finale - Valerie Harper by Meg Grant
aarp.org/magazine
March 6, 2013 - Michael Rothman
Valerie Harper Diagnosed With Terminal Brain Cancer - ABC News
abcnew.go.com/blogs/entertainment
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